My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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