The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
