Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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