yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
