Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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