we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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