My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
