I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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