hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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