Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
