people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
