what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Randomize
