Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
