I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
