you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
These tits shall not be calmed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
