dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
