I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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