week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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