I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
