I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
