i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
