if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
