how can u be prego again
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
