Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
