I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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