Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
