hell yes lets make some ravioli
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
