tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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