it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
