Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
