I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
