Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
