During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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