I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Terrible idea I love it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
