She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
