Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
