your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
