naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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