I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
