i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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