Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
