Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
