Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is that strawberry winking at me??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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