awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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