paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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