She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
