I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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