so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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