I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
