Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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