You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
