he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
