Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
