I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
