thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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